If you will read Ann Voscamp's blog, Draw God , you will understand my ponderings today.
I hear my children from another room...bickering...arguing...impatient with one another. I know part of this is simply because they are children...sons of Adam...in flesh and selfishness born of that first choice made by Adam and Eve to disobey. But I also know that it is partly because of my impatience with them that they are impatient with one another. My example breeds more of the same.
I pray that despite my inadequecies my children will surpasss me. Surpass me in their walks of faith. That somehow despite my faults they will express the fruits of the Spirit ealier and deeper than I have or perhaps ever will.
This means I will have to surrender more and more today. That I will have to commit to allowing God to change me. I struggle with this. For you see in so many areas of life I had been competent. Often leaving God out of it. I could do it on my own without having to disrupt the authorities in my life... parents, boss, teacher or even God. Weren't their others who needed their attention more than I? But here in my home...in my role as mother and wife...I can do nothing on my own. I am utterly incompetent in so many ways.
There is no longer room for the excuses I have given..."That is just my personality or temperment." "I don't have the resources. (space, fincances, time) " "It's just the way I have always been." "Don't I have any rights?"
No longer can I cling to these. I must lay ALL down. I must cling to HIM!!!
I feel in this moment EVERYTHING about me must change. But really it should be "LORD CHANGE ME in the way YOU see fit. The way I think, act, even LOVE, transform them all. "
For in this place that I am...I don't even see myself honestly... I don't know myself as HE does. He for some reason has allowed me to become who I am now today...and HE alone can recieve the Glory for who I shall become from this moment on.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
“I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.”- Psalm 40:8
How true. I love what you said about our children surpassing us and our inadequacies (of which I have many). I struggle every day with being the best mom to each child - not just a good mom to all of them. I have to trust God in EVERY moment or I lose my mind. I did read that post at Holy experience and it blessed me as well.
ReplyDeleteI've missed seeing you at ballet!
I'm a reader of Ann's now -thanks to you. That was a great post by both of you. I want to read it again and mull it over some more.
ReplyDeleteHow did you find her blog anyway?
surpass - oh Lord, please let them surpass me! great post!
ReplyDelete