With the poor internet connection we get in our home on John's wireless card on his laptop and due to the fact that it sits on his desk in his office (also known as our bedroom), I just haven't had the time to go browsing friends blogs...oh...not to mention the time consumed by pumping and bottle feeding for 5 weeks and then getting adjusted to nursing these past 3 weeks. But anyway...I realized that I have missed out on the encouragement to live life to a higher calling that I recieve from the women's blogs that I used to follow with the drive of one with an serious addiction. So somehow I need to find a middle ground.
Tonight with John out of town and the freedom to just sit in our bedroom on the internet without interrupting someone else's sleep...I was reminded that I need some consistent connection with others on a deeper level than I am getting now. Now living 45 minutes from those whom I was just beginning to really begin to grow deeper friendships with and trying to adjust to a new area and searching for a church...I feel like I am starting over. UGH! And now there is some uncertainty in how much longer we might be in this rental. There is some serious spiritual warfare going on for our homeowners and it could end smoothly and nothing happen to us or God could choose to move them out of state and lead them to sell this house. I almost wish we didn't know now of the uncertainty but I do believe they showed integrity and true concern for us in talking to us to let us know what is going on. I don't handle the unknown very well. And truly, moving for us is minor in comparison to what our homeowners are facing.
As I think about it I feel like God wants me to realize HE is my home. He is my refuge. I only need Him. I know this but don't act on it, rest in it like I should.
I am so thankful to have been touched in my life by these women...some who I have known and some who I just have a virtual relationship with through a blog.
I feel like I am crawling out of the neurotic newborn stage that I go through with an infant and into a place where I have to find structure in everything from sleeping to eating to cleaning to teaching to most importantly my spiritual walk. One foot in front in front of the other. Oh to rise to that higher calling. I am hearing it again. Desperate to make that foot move forward just one step.
