This place...

I am in this place, yesterday and today...
yesterday just melancholy, physically feeling fine...
then last night...adding to the melancholy I am not feeling well, sniffling and head aching, tired.
So much to do. There are dirty laundry, dishes, floors...things to be done before the tree comes home on Wednesday. The school room organized so that after Thanksgiving there are no more excuses. No m0re skimming by on just the minimum...my kids deserve paper mache planet projects and paint and not just workbooks and flashcards.

I am just trying to get things done and missing the moment. Yesterday I tried really hard to get things marked off the list. Rushed kids out from under my feet. Spoke harshly and sent them to their rooms...called them back while I was crying...asking for forgiveness...they give it so easily. I tell them I make mistakes...I choose the things I do not want to choose. I need their forgiveness. I need God's forgiveness. But they still love me...God still loves me. GRACE! How sweet!

But it is all still here...even after I try to rest in bed this morning while baby sleeps in morning nap. Thinking if I feel better I will move faster later but also a little procrastination...still not feeling much better. All still needs to get done. Praying for wisdom...how do I incorporate these kids in the getting done somehow so that it is precious time together...joyful lessons learned, sweet moments of bonding together...while folding clothes, mopping floors, getting to the fun stuff of baking pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, pulling out Christmas tree lights and decorations.

Somehow I know it is possible...somehow I will surrender my will...To HIM walking with my children in LOVE not pushing them to help so we can move through the motions of a holiday but celebrate each moment...not just the "fun stuff." somehow I think we can celebrate the towel folding...the floor cleaning...the dish washing. But FIRST...I must celebrate these things...I must live by example. Being a mother is not about what I teach them; it is what I need to learn myself so I can train them in the way they should go. I have to go there first.

Will I ever get this stuff right? My melancholy temperament screams over and over in my head that I won't. I am trying to gently whisper back so one day I can say it more confidently. "I will give this moment to HIM...just this moment. I can't do anything about all the past moments...He has taken those away...He has flung them as far as the east is from west...WHY can't I? And in this moment I can not carry the weight of all those future moments that loom over with anxiety if I let them. He has a plan...I don't have to worry about those days either. Just take the next step...not the whole journey.
Why don't I consistently walk in the beauty of each new sunrise? Each new smile of each of my five amazing children....each hug...each pajama clad morning with all the things to do seen as moments to love...moments to let HIM shine...not just to be gotten done or checked off a list.

God help me today to have wisdom to see how to live this day...just this day as YOU desire...and not just mark an X off the calendar to get to some holiday...every day is a HOLY DAY!!!!
Lord, I am in this place...YOU set me here....let me praise YOU in it and through it.

trying to live thankful

Thankful for

• squinched nose smiles from my 14 month old baby girl
• the squeaky responses of "that better mommy" as desitin ointment is applied to my 2 year old son's tender places
• wet wipes
• 5 year old daughter telling me she has a secret to tell me and kissing me on the cheek when I bend down to ask what it is...that was it
• 7 year old son joyfully saying that collecting the dirty laundry and sorting it, is fun
• 9 year old daughter wanting to help make rice crispy treats for church youth dinner
• the spatula breaking because rice crispy treats are soooo gooey...they were good
• college girls who love us enough to show up and help us at youth dinner
• children who beg to go to church and cry when it is time to come home
• teen agers who are willing to play with my kids and love my kids
• teenagers who are willing to take time to get to know us better and let us know them
• finally in the quiet...staying up too late talking with my husband, my love...drawing us closer together...drawing us to God

going home and coming home

we rushed to the home of our favorite college this weekend. Only about 2 hours away. But this was the first time to travel to a home football game since we moved away a month ago. we lived for the past year just five minutes from the campus. we really could have ridden our bikes to the stadium from our old house. It was strange but was a day and a half of fun. we stayed in a house full of college students. Christian college students. they were having a halloween costume party across the street. a portion of the party was hosted in the kitchen of the house where we stayed. the pumpkin carving portion...my kids were thrilled. They are somewhat experts at pumpkin carving thanks to my mom and our annual Morris family reunion that includes pumpkin carving.

#1's pumpkin from family reunion last weekend...with help from cousin G and Grandma

#2's pumpkin with help from Aunt Kiki and cousin R

#3's pumpkin with help from Aunt Colleen

#4's pumpkin 2010- Love these Mr. Pumpkin-head parts my mom found on sale post-season last year:)

Needless to say things didn't quiet down until sometime after two. Good thing they were good Christian college kids...just plain ole good dressing up fun! Love it! the hostess with the most-ess that let us stay in her house was Elli Mae Clampett for the party and coordinated a group to dress as the rest of the crew from Beverly Hillbillies. They stayed in character into the wee hours of the night. She made us pancakes for breakfast. I need her parents' cliff notes on parenting. They have done things right!! She is amazing!!!

UCF Soccer games on Friday with some precious friends from the old neighborhood. Pics from this evening were the only ones I even got for the weekend. My kids ran off with my phone and got them.

we all dressed in our UCF gear for the football game. Daddy cut the boys hair in fauxhawks this last week just for the occasion so we sprayed their golden blond hair with a black stripe down the peaks. Too cute. will have to steal pics from Daddy's phone :(

UCF beat our opponents. Woohoo!!! only the 2nd time in the nine times we have played them. So exciting.

Then we rushed from stadium to the parking garage as fast as all 14 legs could carry us...well as fast as my 2 legs could push a 1 year old and a five year old in a double stroller and a two year old and a 7 year old and a 9 year old could go to keep up with daddy.

Then chaos ensued in the car. Baby screaming...3 olders throwing a sugar induced party in the back row while a 2 year old slept and Daddy tried to listen to the after-game show on the radio. Finally we left the radio station's broadcasting area and baby and 3 olders watched Veggie tales.

Now after washing black spray out of the girls hair (yes they wanted some too) and Daddy taking care of boys shower, Putting all kids to bed with kisses hugs and dumping duffel bags on the dining room floor and looking at the Trunk or Treat costumes draped over the bar and hearth, and walking away from the snack left on the table ...i am blogging and reading blogs.

I should be scrambling to clean up and sort laundry and shower and get ready for bed but oh well...here I am writing about our weekend and trying to figure out the most efficient way to get pictures from my iPhone to my blog. Wish I could type on my computer and just upload the images directly on to blogger....to wait for me to insert somewhere in this post. however I uploaded them with Pixelpipe and I think they will show up somewhere around this blog. We will see. ( I went and copied and pasted the html out of those other blog posts and put them in this one...a little tedious but maybe less than uploading them to another site and then adding them into this post?)
(not checking for spelling or capitalization tonight...more important things to do...but probably not unpacking...sleep I would imagine...church comes early in the morning after such busy two days)
It did feel a little strange pulling into our new driveway at the end of the night. We went home but we came home and really this is home. So thankful for unexpected changes brought in our lives through God's amazing grace and timing. so thrilled to to be where He wants us to be. so thrilled to see what He has for us in ministry here at the Springs.

God is Love

1 John 4:15-16

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him

1 Corinthians 9:19-23

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law(though I myself am not under the law) so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Lately I have been challenged to think about why we have different types of Bible-believing, Gospel sharing churches or ways of relating the gospel to people. Some might say that we don't need to create an atmosphere to draw people in because the gospel is strong enough to draw people. Honestly, God is strong enough to draw whomever He pleases so in some ways I don't disagree with these people. A sunrise speaks of God's amazing creativity. A death and deep sorrow draws people to seek God and we definitely don't plan those. But I am also thrilled God has called us to join him in drawing people in to Him. Paul became "all things to all people to all men so that by all possible means I (he) might save some." So as long as a body of Christ followers in a church is willing to share the way, the truth and the life to a world who is desparately trying to find something to fill it's God-shaped void I say do it in whatever means possible to draw people in to love them into His hands.

I experienced something unusual this past week...well, unusual for this suburban white homemaking wife and mother...an urban Hip-hop service. As I listened to God's message through rap music, it hit me what the people on that stage were doing. They were taking God's word--His truth---and speaking it in the language of hip hop. A language I must admit I am not fluent in but one that speaks to others. I was hit with how this really isn't much different then when missionairies go to another country and learn the language of that people and they take God's truth to them in their own language. Some people might be more likely to hear more clearly in a small white wooden church with a white pointy steeple and others might be more receptive in one where the lights flicker and the music is loud. What difference does it make? God's truth will speak whether the word is wrapped in a 3 piece suit or a t-shirt and raggedy jeans. I believe God's word will overcome our faults and failures and our hang-ups and doctrines and draw people to Him. Praise God!!

Hard work

This changing stuff is not easy. John and I have worked out more in the last two months than in the last two years. Seriously. I had lost 17 pounds but this past week started going up again. Got tired...didn't go to sleep on time. John was out of town. Ate like crazy. So tomorrow I get up and get back to it. Eating right...exercising...try to go to bed at a decent time tonight.
Worked too hard to get off those 17 pounds and 6 percent body fat. Still got a long ways to go, too.

God has called me to something more than myself.
Physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.
I really have to concentrate on Him to hear that calling in all of these areas.
I blow it soooo often. He picks me up everytime. He amazes me.
Makes me want to keep trying.

Change is coming!

Perhaps I should say it has started already. I joined Weight Watchers 9 days ago and I lost 5 lbs the first week. I know, It is usually pretty easy to lose the first week. I am hoping the second week continues with some momentum. John and I are starting our P90X tomorrow. CRAZINESS! This way out of shape gal is committed to doing the whole thing. Whatever that may be. Granted there will need to do some modifications made I am sure, however, I am going to start and complete each session. No Pain, No Gain, right?

Looking forward to the reward from this commitment. A more energetic Housewife and Mom.

It is never to late to become what you have always wanted to be.
(My version of something George Eliot once said. )

So what is it I have always wanted to be...
A peaceful, organized, fit Wife and Mother seeking after Christ first in all things. Not perfect but heading in a direction that would not be disappointing to me for my children follow.

Hey mom, I know you haves lot of laundry to do but...