I ran across this quote today...
The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea ~isak dinesen
on a blog entitled, One thing
Not even sure how I got to her blog...you know...surfing through the lists of blogs on the blogs of friends that I read regularly.
That quote spoke to me.

I love going to the beach and feeling the salty breeze blow away my fears, my heartaches, my pains. I like how I feel when I have worked around my house and say in my high little girl voice (the one I only use when I am completely satisfied with life) "I really like my house when it is clean." The exertion of that sweat can take me from the frustrations I have with my quaint and quirky 93 year old home to a place of adoration and contentment.
Today...though...I found healing in the tears. Just crying....crying out my frustrations...sobbing out my inadequacies...letting the loneliness run out...letting the fears fade as the tears dried up on my shirt. So today I began my day agitated with a headache...frustrated with my faults and failures...but I wept...I bawled, really if the truth be known. And now as day comes to end...I feel cleansed. In my eyes...if you know me well...I think you can still see the effects of those tears. But I feel purified. Rather than drowning in my frustrations, I let them seep out down my cheeks. It helped that my mom caught me in this act. She was here today to cook the meal for the Christmas celebration we were having with our Board of Directors tonight. I wasn't feeling much like celebrating. I had even contemplated trying to figure out how to leave the house while they were all here. But I was able to poor out the frustrations...the fears...the failures and reach for higher ground. I am so thankful she listened without judging...offered encouragement and even the suggestion of getting some counseling to help me process through all I am feeling and thinking. There is some physiological thing behind it along with lies from Satan and my own disobedience... Behind this wave that over takes me at times...that creates a melt down within me. There is much to be considered...more discussions to be had with the doctor and hubbie to figure out what meds we can afford...more structure in my life...most importantly time with God retraining my mind to think God's truth about me and not the world's lies. It is not something that will be conquered tomorrow or by next week. But for the moment I have felt healing and cleansing through the tears. And I feel the wave of tears coming on again..not as a release of pain this time but in a wave of thankfulness and contentment in the cleansing.