Enoch walked with God. He didn't just live and die. I want to walk with HIM. To do it I am going to have to get up and read scripture first thing. Suppose that means I should go to bed...actually no supposing in that. I have got to guard my sleep. One step at a time.

Today...the pinpoint

What shall it bring...what shall it be remembered for.
I hope today will be remembered for the point at which I decided to be different. To remember what I was created for. Not to change the place at which I am standing in this life but to walk it out in a faith... not faltering.
I am moved to tears at this blog I have just read. http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/02/one-thing-you-may-have-long-forgotten.html
Brought to the realization once again that I am not doing this life the way I wanted to...the way my high ideals once propelled me. I have settled into myself. Stopped striving to add to the faith.
Ann Voscamp ended her blog with this statement....
"The Bible tells us that we are God's masterpieces (poiema in Greek); not only creatures, but His creations, His poems (Eph 2:10). We are living epistles (2 Cor 3:3). And so, our lives are meant to be listened to, because it is God who is speaking into and out of and through the symphony of the years, and the masterpiece of a lifetime." ~Michael Card

To be perfectly honest so many times in the years since I was married I have come back to this place and wanted change...wanted to break out of the cocoon but stopped at the struggle to spread the wings...maybe really even stopped before I got into the cocoon for the change to take place. I, being the analyzer that I am, try to pinpoint what made me stop being that young girl who saw the potential only God could have for me. I have tried to blame circumstances...my husband...being a mother...oh how wrong I have been. I must take responsibility. I have not walked away from God. I have faith in Him. Most often I have faith that the Lord will take care of the really big things...like providing for us financially when it just doesn't make sense...moving up here to this area to minister when it doesn't really make sense to leave the the support system we had when there was a new baby on the way. What trips me up is the daily moment by moment things...stuff I think God doesn't really need to worry about. Stuff I should be able to handle. I can only laugh at myself.

I haven't been adding to my faith like it says to in 2 Peter 1.
3His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 10Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. 11For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
12Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have.

So I type this at almost midnight not really so anyone else will read it but that I will have a point in time...a place to go back to and remind myself this is when I said it was no longer acceptable to be nearsighted and blind. It is now time to once again add to my faith. I shall not forget.

I have missed this!

With the poor internet connection we get in our home on John's wireless card on his laptop and due to the fact that it sits on his desk in his office (also known as our bedroom), I just haven't had the time to go browsing friends blogs...oh...not to mention the time consumed by pumping and bottle feeding for 5 weeks and then getting adjusted to nursing these past 3 weeks. But anyway...I realized that I have missed out on the encouragement to live life to a higher calling that I recieve from the women's blogs that I used to follow with the drive of one with an serious addiction. So somehow I need to find a middle ground.

Tonight with John out of town and the freedom to just sit in our bedroom on the internet without interrupting someone else's sleep...I was reminded that I need some consistent connection with others on a deeper level than I am getting now. Now living 45 minutes from those whom I was just beginning to really begin to grow deeper friendships with and trying to adjust to a new area and searching for a church...I feel like I am starting over. UGH! And now there is some uncertainty in how much longer we might be in this rental. There is some serious spiritual warfare going on for our homeowners and it could end smoothly and nothing happen to us or God could choose to move them out of state and lead them to sell this house. I almost wish we didn't know now of the uncertainty but I do believe they showed integrity and true concern for us in talking to us to let us know what is going on. I don't handle the unknown very well. And truly, moving for us is minor in comparison to what our homeowners are facing.

As I think about it I feel like God wants me to realize HE is my home. He is my refuge. I only need Him. I know this but don't act on it, rest in it like I should.

I am so thankful to have been touched in my life by these women...some who I have known and some who I just have a virtual relationship with through a blog.

I feel like I am crawling out of the neurotic newborn stage that I go through with an infant and into a place where I have to find structure in everything from sleeping to eating to cleaning to teaching to most importantly my spiritual walk. One foot in front in front of the other. Oh to rise to that higher calling. I am hearing it again. Desperate to make that foot move forward just one step.

Oakley Hope Evans

Well, my last post was two days before Oakley decided to come.

I started contracting during the early morning Saturday September 19th. I thought that they were Braxton Hicks contractions because they were so irregular and did not feel like serious contractions I had in previous pregnancies. But they started coming kind of regular about 9 minutes apart and I figured I better pack a bag and we should head to the hospital. We live an hour from where our doctor delivers now and I was going to need antibiotics because I had group b strep.

So we called Grandma and Granddad to meet us at the hospital not really sure if we were just going to register or meet Oakley soon. I seriously didn't think I was in labor. It was weird. You would think for the fifth baby that I would have had this stuff figured out. OK...I seriously understand that all pregancies are different.

We passed the kids to Grandma and Granddad and they ended up registering me because I had progressed since Wednesday when the doctor had checked me.

Oakley was born on 9/19/09 at 7:01 pm (19:01 military time) at 7 lbs 14 oz and 19 1/2 inches in length. I was really only in serious labor for the last 30 minutes. Praise God!

Baby Update

Well with 3 1/2 weeks officially left, good ole' Doc Hartman is concerned that Oakley is going to come quickly and we may not make the 1 hour drive to the hospital. He is trying to find a reason to induce during the 38th week. John will be out of town the 37th week...UGH! The kids and I will stay with my parents again like we did last weekend. I just can't do this by myself right now. And we will be closer to our hospital at my parents' house, too.

My belly measured 4 cm larger this week than last week. So the feeling that Oakley has completly taken over my body was pretty much accurate. All you mom's know the stage where there are no comfortable position left....to sleep, to sit, to stand....the belly and back just ache. Doc did an internal check as well. I am 2 cm but nothing us is happening. Not surprising because when things start happening for me it happens fast. So it is probably better that nothing is happening yet.

God has provided a crib and changing table for us through some friends who are willing to loan us thiers. John will be picking up a carseat from another friend in Starke, Florida on Tuesday. And a local pregnancy center has allowed us to borrow clothes for the baby too. What a huge blessing. Now we just need to pray for a year's supply of baby diapers. To be perfectly honest, God has been so faithful. I am so humbled by his provision for us.

I haven't finished getting settled into this house yet and have been feeling like I will never make this rental feel like our home but I am going to spend the next few days finishing up, I think....Before we head to spend Tuesday through Monday at my parents and then hopefully induce Oakely sometime during teh 38th week. It's a lot to think about with homeschooling and housekeeping. But really as long as the kids are feeling loved, fed and we are making some consistent progress with school I will feel great! WE are all soooo excited about Oakley's arrival. The anticipation is almost exhausting!!! :)